Just Two Dumb Broads Passing Through Kinsley, Kansas

Kinsley, Kansas

June 14, 2011

4:30 p.m.

Just Two Dumb Broads

Passing Through Kinsley, Kansas

O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us.

-- Robert Burns 

Do you ever fret over what other people may think of you?  

I have never considered this to be a major issue in my life, preferring to adopt the attitude “What you think of me is none of my business.”  On the other hand, self judgment and self criticism have always been much more daunting and severe than the opinions of others.  But recently, in Kinsley Kansas, a grain-producing town with a dwindling population of about 1450 older-than-average souls, located on the railway route that followed the Santa Fe Trail, I overheard a man refer to my daughter (and by association, to myself) as “that dumb broad.”  He had not intended for me to hear his remark, and so I had been gifted with a rare opportunity to hear this man’s raw, unfiltered opinion.

“Dumb broad.”  What did he mean by that, and how am I to respond?  Since I’ve never thought of myself as “dumb” I was surprised to see myself taking it very personally, and feeling very misunderstood.

All of this introspection has encouraged me to examine my thoughts much more carefully, and to take responsibility for ALL of them.  I realize that I am as guilty of narrow minded stereotyping as I feel this gentleman is.  And I must admit the world I have made for myself is a little out of joint here in Kansas.

Because I chose to confront him about his remark, I discovered that he had read the materials that we pass out to people we meet along the way.  He  had read the flyer describing the Sole 2 Soul Walk which states: “Imagine a WORLD where Women are Equally Valued Decision Makers in Partnership with Men.”  He had also read the Peace Proclamation which I co-authored as a member of the Culver City Area Interfaith Alliance.   It advocates the rejection of war and violence as “categorically unjustifiable and obsolete.”  This gentleman felt that our uncompromising stand for peace meant that we were being disrespectful to the brave men and women who have given their lives to preserve our precious freedoms.  

One does not have to travel far into Kansas, home state of President  Dwight D. Eisenhower, to understand that Kansans have made patriotism a priority, vigorously defending the Union during the Civil War, and the Nation in all of the foreign wars and conflicts since that time.  Evidently the assertion that “Peace is Patriotic,” is a notion that is difficult for many Kansans to embrace -- and many Americans for that matter.

Born in the midwest, I consider myself to be a loyal daughter of the Republic with immediate family members -- grandfather, stepfather, uncles, husband and daughter -- who have served honorably in every war, since 1898.  But I have come to believe that in our day and age, we have to find a better way to resolve conflict.  I am also hopeful that this can be done through what we have learned about non-violent resistance in the 20th century.  

Still, it grieves me to be so misunderstood.  I am a people-pleaser at heart, and do so desperately want to be liked and accepted by everyone!  So I spent several days fretting over my unfavorable image, and dismal failure to communicate.

A few days later we were still in town, and I was asked to speak to the Kinsley Rotary Club.  As a result of the “dumb broad” remark I came before them with an attitude that was both defensive and apologetic, fearing that although they may be polite to my face, they may secretly harbor private thoughts which might range from dismissive to hostile.  Do private thoughts count?  They do, if you believe as I do that “thoughts are things,” and have real world effects.

Afterwards I felt disappointed in myself for having done a poor job of communicating what our walk is about.  Except for a few, their faces were impassive, and I had a hard time relating to most of them.  Try as I would, I couldn’t find a wavelength that would serve a two-way communication between us. 

On the following morning, while we were on our daily walkabout, we passed a lovely home, newly built in early 20th century traditional midwestern style, with rocking chairs on the porch displaying red white and blue buntings between the pillars.  The lady of the house was out watering her yard and I asked her, “Why the patriotic display?”

“Flag Day,” she said.  Of course!  It was June 14, how could I have forgotten?  Then her husband appeared, who was one of the men who had been in my audience the night before, a pharmacist.  Craving some honest feedback I asked him, “What did you think about my talk?  Please be honest”

“Frankly,” he said.  “I couldn’t relate to your issue.  I don’t think women are disrespected or treated unfairly here.”  Then a light began to dawn in my head. “Maybe it’s because you are coming from a pioneer tradition and a farming culture where women are not only valued, they have always been downright indispensable.”  Both husband and wife agreed.  Finally, the communication felt complete.  I had been able to acknowledge a value that we all shared:  cooperation and mutual respect between men and women.

*   *   *

As far as being a dumb broad -- if “dumb” means silent, or lacking speech, and “broad” is slang for female, I must confess I have been a “silent female” for a good part of my life, for fear of being dismissed or devalued, on account of my unorthodox viewpoints, which may seem impractical and idealistic, or even “unscientific.”   In examining where that fear is coming from, I see that it is rooted in my childhood as I observed the way my father treated my mother (and me), and my grandfathers treated my grandmothers.  Outspokenness in women was not encouraged in the mid-western culture I was raised in. 

Is this what this whole walk is about?  An attempt to address an ancient wound, which was both frightening and unjust?  Perhaps it is just so.

So here I am, back in the Midwest, the heart of the heartland, halfway between the coasts.  These words ring true in my ears:  “Doris, you are not in Oz anymore!”