Fade to White

Windsor Fountains Condo

Culver City, CA
November 30, 2011
9:49 a.m.

Fade to White

There is one story and one story only that will prove worth the telling. . .

                                                                              -- Robert Graves

Joseph Campbell suggested that myths are public dreams and our own personal dreams are our private myths.  We live in a time of shifting public dreams, with not much certain to believe in “out there,” although many of us cling to traditional paradigms for the comfort they provide.  Others of us turn to our private myths to provide meaning for our lives with the hope that at least we may be able to control -- or at least influence -- the environment “in here.”  These, who are increasingly tuned to “the beyond within” are the individuals who would be “masters of their fate,” but who realize that such a course must be undertaken with the greatest humility -- surrendering the entire outcome to a much greater destiny that shapes our ends. 

Where do I stand?  Somewhere between comfort and mastery.  I’m not ready to buy the old myths just because I’m attached to the stories and their happy endings.  Nor am I ready to throw out all that has gone before just because it seems to have failed to provide all the answers.  I do want a sense of control, a sense of “destiny,” to “take arms agains a sea of troubles,” not simply to be a passive observer, paralyzed with fear, on the deck of a sinking ship.  I want to find what is “mine to do” and to do it -- to play my own role to the best of my ability in this great human drama, in which I seem to be a single point of light in a vast tapestry of immense design.  I think of the musicians who played “Nearer My God to Thee,” as the Titanic went down.  It was a choice they made as a group.  If that is my role, let me play true until I can no longer breathe to blow my flute. 

*   *   *

I undertook the cross country walk with my daughter with a specific myth in mind:  I was Demeter the outraged mother, she was Persephone, the daughter who had been abducted by Hades, King of the underworld and taken to his underground realm.  Viveka’s husband, Richard was Hades.  The story was complicated, for Persephone’s father, Zeus had approved the marriage to his brother, Hades, without consulting Demeter, who was sister to the two brothers, which made Persephone Hades’ niece.  (Incest was common to the gods, apparently.)

Believe it or not, this ancient Greek myth fit my relationship with my daughter Viveka and my son-in-law, Richard to a remarkable degree.  Richard is much older than Viveka, more like a brother to me than a son-in-law.  I was not consulted about this match beforehand, and there were many things about it that angered me, not the least of these being the fact that Viveka had been living in a marginal, depressed and “underworld” environment ever since she married Richard.  They had suffered great reversals of fortune, and were living hand to mouth.  I had been called upon many times to “rescue” my daughter by loaning money, even buying property for them to live on, but the fact remained that my outrage and anger were always lurking beneath the surface.  Something about this family situation was not “right.”  I wanted to get to the bottom of it and discover what was really going on. 

Backstory:

What I discovered -- to my surprise -- was that Viveka had felt abandoned by me when she became an emancipated minor at age 16 in order to pursue her film career.  I did not feel I had abandoned her, after all this is what she had wanted, and had begged for.  It was a decision I must have regretted on some level,  for I also discovered remorse and a feeling of responsibility for Viveka’s (apparent) inability to manage her life.  I did have to acknowledge that I felt grief over signing away my parental responsibility before she was emotionally mature.  This fact was the source of my guilt and contributed to the anger I was feeling -- anger at myself for letting her make the choice, and not insisting that she enjoy a few more years of childhood.  I was afraid she would blame me in later years:  “I could have been somebody, and you stood in my way.”  It was a Catch-22.  There was no “correct” choice.  I did what I did.

So as the 198 days of our cross-country Sole 2 Soul walk fulfilled themselves we discovered that we were filling in those lost years.  We were completing her teen-age years, and I was fulfilling my responsibility as a parent.  Richard was really not the enemy.  The real enemy was the unacknowledged feelings of grief and anger and outrage over decisions that were made in my family history where I and other women had no part in the decision making and therefore had no say-so, and no control.  I truly got in touch with this deep cause of anger, and could identify with women throughout time and history, literally back to mythological times!  

Here is the real issue I had to confront:  cowardice.  

If one makes a decision one has to live with the consequences and take responsibility for it.  If one lets a decision be made for her, she can be a victim and blame others.  She takes no responsibility, but she can be angry because she was not part of the decision-making process.  But this is entirely dishonest.  The truth is she chose not to choose.  Why?  She was afraid.  She was more afraid of choosing than not choosing.  And still she does not want to be accountable for choosing to be a victim!

The answer:  

Getting in touch with the confusion and the anger smoldering underneath.  Seeing that it is misplaced.  Knowing that it is anger with myself for making a choice from fear instead of love.  But how could I have known this?  Without this bitter experience I could not have known the difference.  Therefore, coming from love, I can now forgive my unfortunate choice and start again with a clean slate.

What did Demeter do?  

She was not a coward, but she was a women in the company of very powerful men who weren’t disposed to consider her point of view.  She protested in the only way she could:  she threw a tantrum.  (See my blog on Tantrum Yoga.)  But what a tantrum!  Since she was the Goddess of harvest and fertility her tantrum meant that the earth did not produce its fruits.  The people were starving.  So the plight of the people found its way up to Zeus who had sanctioned and permitted, even suggested the marriage of Persephone to his lonely outcast brother, Hades.  Zeus was asked to resolve the world crisis.  How did he do it?  With the aid of Apollo (the Sun God) and Mercury (the messenger of the gods) a compromise was reached.  Persephone wanted to be returned topside, but she had eaten some pomegranate seeds and this meant that she was in some measure bound to the King of the underworld.  How many had she eaten?  3? 6? 9?  

The resolution / compromise: 

Zeus decreed that Persephone could dwell in the sunlight with her mother for a number of months of the year, but must return to the realm of the underworld for the rest of the year.  This created the seasons:  Summer and Winter.  How long will winter be?  3? 6? 9? months.  In different parts of the world the length of the seasons differ.  The world would suffer no more, but would harvest the grain and fruits in their seasons. 

*   *   *

Here is my challenge to all readers of this blog as I conclude:

Get in touch with your personal myth -- something that resonates with you and informs the story of your life.  Plunge deeply into the subconscious and unconscious sources of this strand of story.  It is like a piece of wood floating after the shipwreck.  Grab it.  It has the power to carry you along.  It is no accident that this particular piece of debris has come to your aid.  Its appeal is both personal and universal.  It reaches out to you.  It sings to you and will bring you to shore.

The reason it appeals to you is that you are the hero / heroine in this story.  It can be no other way.  When you find that story it will be like a key that will open up the starry night like the stories of the constellations have always opened up the cosmos:  from the standpoint of the merging of both the collective and the individual mythos.

And is there only one story?  Yes -- and -- no.  To be sure there are many individual stories, but the hero and the heroine’s journey have common structures that bind them all together:  a going out and a coming home with the elixir which brings joy and healing to those at home in the community.  And those waiting at home are of two types:  (1) those who are waiting to venture out -- the youth; and (2) those who have already ventured out -- the elders and ancestors.  All are waiting to welcome you home with the gifts you bring.

*   *   * 

Viveka and I will be making a film about our adventure, G-d willing.  It may take a year or more.  There will be some surprises, for I have not here told the whole story.  For example, Viveka’s version of the story differs from mine, as might be expected, which leads to some interesting moments of truth.  Another surprise involves the fact that the hero’s journey is not the same as the heroine’s journey.  And this is an important aspect of what we discovered.  For the purposes of this last blog, I have merely suggested a story-line, which we will be fleshing out with the footage we have gathered.

Stay tuned. . .

. . .Fade to white